Can you hear what you speak?

Lately, I have been realising that it’s so difficult & yet imperative to understand the perspective of others when involved in a situation of mutual interaction. When two people are involved in a situation, both are talking from their point of view of the situation or subject. However, both are expecting the other to understand and agree to their perspective. Most arguments & disagreements happen not because people want to disagree & cause conflict but only because they fail to place the other’s perspective equally valid & rational in comparison to theirs.

The universe guides us at each stage and everyone around is a medium to us receiving guidance to what next. Communication is not a way of conveying what you have to say but also is a way of listening to the universe through the other. If one stays in recognition that they are talking or having a discussion so that they can appreciate the perspective of the universe around them through the other, they will become good listeners.

Good listeners are good learners too. I have come to realise that most people cannot listen to themselves whilst they are speaking. When there is speaking happening, there is externalisation of energy. Energy is leaving the speaker and going out to their audience. The speaker, in return for this energy is expecting appreciation, acknowledgment or at least a nod from the other, in order to stay motivated to keep draining their energy. If the audience is receptive and the speaker is talking with awareness of their perspective in mind, they will absorb the speech and in return the acknowledgement or acceptance of self they will create will gratify the speaker too. The space created within through sharing of the knowledge will be filled with new recognition of being loved & accepted.

If the listener is not receptive, or they try to interrupt, the speaker gets the signal that the knowledge they are sharing is not welcome and since it’s a part of them they are sharing, the lack of appreciation for the same offends them personally. If the knowledge that the speaker is sharing comes from deep within them, they will feel more offended, let down or disappointed with their audience.

Any communication has learning for both the speaker & the audience. The learning for the speaker is that he is using the audience & their response to understand if their knowledge of themselves or they themselves are aligned with others in their life or not. The learning for the audience is that they need to understand & imbibe the knowledge that has come their way through the speaker & use it for self-growth.

Disagreement or conflict in a communication occurs in two situations. The first is when the speaker carries an inner conflict with regards to the knowledge they are sharing. In case of a conflict inside, the natural response the universe expects is for one to introspect & resolve it within or at least keep it into their awareness. Sometimes if one is in denial of the conflict or if they are biased towards one side of the knowledge, they could be denying the presence of the other side. For example, Radha knows that Tara is her best friend. Radha also knows that deep down she feels Tara is better than her & she is jealous of Tara. Since Radha perceives herself as a nice human being, she denies this conflict in her about the kind of person she is. Her knowledge about her nature here is conflicted where on one side she thinks she is a nice & harmless person and on the other side there is a part of her that feels she is jealous & selfish. Radha wants to believe that the latter is not true. She goes on with life without allowing herself to acknowledge her jealous side. Tara soon falls in love with Harry. Harry is very loving & caring towards Tara and hence she feels very blessed. Tara now has to divide her time between her best friend Radha and Harry because she loves them both and she wants to make time to nurture both relationships giving them the respective attention & time that they deserve. Radha on the other hand starts being edgy, irritated and aloof from Radha. She still spends time with Tara and is her best friend but at a deeper level she feels even more jealous since whenever she sees Harry, she sees Tara’s life more perfect than hers. Radha is more intelligent & is the topper of the class whereas Tara is not, yet she feels less than her. Radha still does not acknowledge her inner conflict and instead allows herself to justify her position by focusing on her intelligence. One day Tara wants notes from Radha since the exams are approaching and Tara had to miss classes to ensure she could spend time with Harry so that she can make time to be with Radha whilst she is free in the evenings. Tara requests Radha to share her notes with her and that’s when they get into an argument. Radha calls Tara mean & selfish because she has been whiling away her time with her boyfriend & now she wanted to use her notes to give her competition in her field and that as per Radha was extremely mean & insensitive. Tara is shocked & hurt by this argument since all this while she had never realised that Radha carried so much poison inside her about herself.

It was Radha’s original conflict which due to being ignored & supressed was growing inside her at a rapid pace and eventually led her to lose her best friend. This experience made her realise how her belief that she was a nice human being was challenged and how the other side of this knowledge had taken a toll on her consciousness.

The second situation in which disagreement occurs is when the audience is not intending to listen. This is the situation in which the conversation is between two speakers. In this case, either is listening to the other only so that they can quickly get their chance to speak. Internally, both are wanting to let out their knowledge to prove their wisdom to the other without realising that it’s not the nature of wisdom that it will prove itself. What wants to prove itself inside is the lack of wisdom. Hence when both people are letting out their knowledge to each other, one is always catching on to the lack of the other side instead of listening to them to understand their own conflict. In this situation also, both can end up destroying their relationship as well as feel demeaned, insulted & humiliated.

It’s not that communication cannot happen when one is conflicted within. However, if one stays in awareness of their inner conflict and then communicates, they can become very open of their conflict which helps others in their life to help them. Secondly, they can communicate with the intention to listen to the other since that can give them insight into their inner conflict & help resolve it.

External communication is meant to facilitate internal communication and help gain self-knowledge. Any communication done with the lack of recognition of it being an opportunity for self-growth can lead to conflicts and loss of love & relationships.

SPIRITUAL EGO

I have pondered over this quite a lot that when one says “they are spiritual”, what are they actually implying? Is it that, I am above the rest because I believe I am more connected with God, or myself or the universal consciousness or what?

It’s very common these days to hear these statements saying “I am very positive”, “I only look at the positive side”, “I am spiritual that’s why I have been able to forgive” etc.

What exactly is being Spiritual? I think its living in awareness of one’s ‘Spirit’. Ideally, that should have been our natural state of existence but given that we have created a lot of stuff on the way to becoming who we are today, it is a privilege if we can stay in the awareness of being a Spirit having a human experience. Considering that all of us are ‘Spirits’ nonetheless, maybe the subtle ego that people by patting their backs for their awareness also needs to be brought to awareness.

It is natural for one to feel ‘special’ or ‘different’ when they do something that others look upto. Maybe being aware of self is one such thing which inherently every soul seeks and is a need of the hour on this planet hence it has gained popularity to the extent that doing a few courses and learning a few jargons of the so-called ‘spiritual world’ is good enough for anyone to start commanding more attention from their peers.

Is it true? Do we actually become special if we live in awareness of self? Well, I think the most benefit out of our awareness comes to ourselves. It helps us stay grounded and empowered to deal with our life situations & relationships. It’s not that spiritual people can’t make mistakes or feel negative emotions, but they stand a better chance at handling their experience with grace if they live in awareness of their learning through the adverse experience.

What a spiritual person can give to others is not really for them to decide. The sun did not decide it will give light to earth and not to Pluto. Let what others receive be the prerogative of the receiver. Spirituality is meant to allow one to be themselves without the need to be externally followed or appraised since the sun doesn’t bother if any external light is falling on it or not. If one eventually wants to use the recognition & acknowledgment of others as their light then the whole purpose of being spiritual is really lost.

Spirituality is all about loving self & others. Lets only stay in love & allow love. Seeking more than that is an Ego that blocks the light of the Spirit within!